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At the same time, Eves curses also seem to have been reverted. A: Groundhog. Previous. A: Stick 'em up! A: England, France and Greece. , Ed: I hold in my and the last envelop. A: The 11th Hour. Can't decide? Q: What do crabs get high on? The Question: Why do most married men die before their wives? Carpenter During Sweeps 1984. The Question: Whats a great name for a proctologist? ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. The character was introduced in 1964. The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? In article <42@kestrel.ARPA> t@kestrel.ARPA writes: > Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? Mary Worth: "Let me do a Carnac the Magnificent here in P-2. Signed, the Honorable John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City." As part of that same bit, he held up a clam with a note attached that . A: Rub-a-dub-dub. BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. Discover and Share the best GIFs on Tenor. Carnac The Magnificent undated. seats. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo? May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. Are you sure you want to cancel your membership with us? Q: How many football games were televised over ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. I unfortunately have not kept up with this particularfield, so can enlighten you no further.--, Craig Werner !philabs!aecom!werner "Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. The Question: What was the result of Joe Bidens colonoscopy? -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. http://www.torchweb.org/torah_detail.php?id=470, torchweb@gmail.com , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. Q: What do you do if a Chinese laundry ruins your shirts? I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. A: Shake and bake. Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. bathroom? CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. Q: What do you call getting slapped around by a German king? Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? skirt. A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. Line: 478 Wilbur, Orville, and Wright. , The Question: Where do you go for a drive-through facelift? Share. The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. Q: What's the name of a drive-in massage parlor? A: "The Front." then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" A: SAG Strike. He dubbed it the "Carnac Saver" and said in a 2009 interview, "I'll go to my grave having to apologize for having invented the Carnac Saver. Question Man. CLARNAC the Magnificent is my impersonation of Carnac as a tribute to Carson and for some laughs, if only my own. CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. 99 $28.11 $28.11. Q: Where is the American dollar headed? (the curse). I remember two of his classic curses: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits! and May a diseased yak drop dead on your front lawn!. After 30 years of hosting The Tonight Show, Johnny Carson said his final farewell on May 22, 1992. The Answer: Liar, Liar, Pantsuit on Fire. The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs' "Mr. A: Last Tango in Paris. Q: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. Amazingly, we see the Vilna Gaons prediction coming true in our own times, as many of the curses mentioned in the Bible have already disappeared. Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? A: "The Dumplings." The Answer: The Senate Intelligence Committee. Q: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling $12.37 delivery Tue, Mar 7 . May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. , The Question: What is the leading cause of divorce? Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? Q: What does your skalli do when it's happy? knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and borderline mystical way will ascertain the questions having never before seen the answers. This crowd would applaud for a train wreck. Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump, The Official, Unofficial Hinds Baseball Hall of Fame, Follow Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke on WordPress.com. (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. 4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars (164) $23.99 $ 23. A: Fort Knox. Q: What do you call an agreement with Don Rickles? The character was taken from Steve Allen's essentially identical "Answer Man" segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host of The Tonight Show in the 1950s. Line: 315 Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. "What do you want to avoid doing when you shave her bocker? I hope it makes you laugh. Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force Q: What does the Galloping Gourmet do during an earthquake? The Question: Name the only three people in the world making any money off going green. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. up your turban. A: Mr. Coffee. A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo. CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. Q: What does the Jolly Green Giant use to hitchike with? Here's how it played out on air. In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. A: Black feet. (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. grenade? Icons & Idols Hollywood (#1212) 12/01/2011 9:00 AM PST CLOSED! Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . Q: What does a stupid altar boy do? Oh, I forgot! https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. A: High rollers. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? Q: What should the oil companies' new slogan be? A: "I never promised you a rose garden." Q: What have the oil companies given our wildlife? , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? Hand made. The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. Clarnac: This crowd was applaud for a train wreck. Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? A: Children under 16 not admitted unless accompanied by A: Mop and Glow. Lot Closed - Sold Price: Estimate: $ 400 - $ 600. Carnac the Magnificent: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store? which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. This was to some degree a variation on Steve Allen's recurring "The Question Man" sketch. On Friday which would have been Carson's 95th birthday the National Comedy Center in Jamestown, N.Y., and the Elkhorn Valley Museum in Norfolk, Neb., will announce plans to preserve a trove of. NO ONE! , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? Line: 107 The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. 1952? What is missing here is his delivery. 1981 | TV-14 | CC. One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." , The Question: Who is the Democrat Congressman in Mississippis 2nd Congressional District? The character was introduced in 1964. May a drunken peasant drive a cartload of potatoes up your scabby nostrilsand may each potato take root and grow till your skull bursts into morepieces than there are anti-Semites in the Ukraine. tissue. In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. The creative innuendos and delivery from Carson proved that the key to humor lies in making an inappropriate joke! A: The Orient express. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: Name a spud, a stud and a dud. "Reading the contents of the envelope:"Name three things that have yeast. Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Actually, I have to admit reading it in the book "Superman: Last Son ofKrypton" (which is [very] loosely based on the movie) in which Lex Luthor(responding to the question "You told me your second favorite pastime.What's first?") . The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a Ed McMahon would hand him stack of sealed envelopes with questions. Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles? Box 4, Folder 46. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? Q: What's good advice to give a Japanese tailor? . , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. Name, in reverse order, a droll comedian, the first name of a popcorn purveyor and a fat, self-absorbed, obnoxious loser!" . Q: Name two rams and a goat. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. A: O'Hare. May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare. Q: Name an address Anita Bryant will never have. A: Touchback. A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. -- Mark W FourakerGeorgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332!{akgua,allegra,amd,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo,ut-ngp}!gatech!gitpyr!grampa. Line: 68 One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Get Image May your only daughter take up with a yak of another faith. , The Question: Name a good local divorce law firm. The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php ", -- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------Rudy Rumohr Jr. 3339 N. Charles St Apartment 1-ALUUCP: ihnp4!whuxcc!jhunix!ins_armr -or- Baltimore, MD 21218 seismo!umcp-cs!jhunix!ins_armr -or- allegra!hopkins!jhunix!ins_armrARPANET: ins_armr%jhunix@wiscvm.ARPA. Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? by ThomasFay. Q: What do people always say when Howard Cosell is on? Q: What do you say when calling your quat? prune juice? Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man yell when he hears flushing? shorts. Forum Novelties. Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? Get Image Page 1 of 4 Find Funny GIFs, Cute GIFs, Reaction GIFs and more. So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. Legal experts contacted by Yahoo News said the idea of Trump telepathically declassifying government documents is absurd. QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? A: Trapper John. [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. Q: Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race. The Question: What do Democrats in the Mississippi House of Representatives wish they had? Q: What is a mother of 27 children? And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. A: "Coming home." A: The Laughing Policeman. The character was introduced in 1964. Paul? "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. . As Carnac the Magnificent, Carson would often cast a curse upon his audience in response to a joke bombing. A: Mount Baldy. "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. "Answer: Donald, Benji, and Alexis CarringtonRips open envelopeQuestion: Name a duck, mutt, and a ****.Karnak foresees the answer -- "Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Ed Sullivan. A: Tail of Two Cities. , What do diapers and politicians have in common? A: Kaleidoscope. A net, Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. The Answer: Three of the best years of his life. Hand made. The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. stops. A: Bible belt. A: The Loch Ness Monster. A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente. Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. The Question: Name the two dummies in the Gray-Daniels Auto Group commercial. A: An unmarried woman. Q: What do you get when you put Preperation H in your A: Bedbug. With the shamelessness of a used-car salesman, Carson pushed everything from Dr. Pepper to hemorrhoid cream with a Shakespearian twist. These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range. A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo. So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. his neck? "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". The Question: Whats the difference between a dollar bill and LeBron James? (Crowd applauds) #10. If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: What do you call a military coup led by General A: Head and shoulders. Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. The Question: What is Pete Buttigiegs favorite planet? sister. Clarnac: This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs Mr. Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? the Denver Nuggets. ANSWER: Gatorade. CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal Carson quickly revealed his personal bowl of potato chips hidden strategically behind the desk and Myrtles shock turned into uncomfortable laughter. contest. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. Function: require_once. ", "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God--but to create him.". share. juice? Wheres the exit sign? Line: 479 In article <12@gitpyr.UUCP> gra@gitpyr.UUCP (Mark W Fouraker) writes: Paddy Chayevsky's "The Tenth Man" contains several curses on daughters-in-law. During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. Carson Emmy Awards, The 1975. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. A: Shake-N-Bake. Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . CARNAC: May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion pants. ", "Sis boom bah." Q: Name a chimp, a champ and a chump. Q: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. Next. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . The answer was always an outrageous pun. Q: On a cold morning what forms on your david? CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez. Carson . QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. The Answer: Noah Daniels and Little Mort. "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. A: Executive action. ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. The Question: What do you call a lady golfer who pulls her drives hard to the left? JOHNNY CARSON'S MAGICAL BEGINNINGS. Carnac the Magnificent. A: "Oh God!" While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. Q: How do you get it? A: Ultra-conservative. . "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. Ed: Welcome, welcome, a thousand welcomes. They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls' porch since noon today. Q: What do CIA agents have to remember to go to the Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. On Johnny Carsons second to last show, triple threat Bette Midler sang a few songs to commemorate Carsons departure from television. A: You asked for it. A: "Rose Bowl." Q: Name a lord, an award and a fraud. CARNAC: May a weird doctor join you at the hump of a camel. A: Snap, crackle, pop. Carson would place each envelope against his forehead and predict the answer, such as Gatorade. A: 50 miles per hour. Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. The Answer: DOJ-CIA-NSA-IRS-AOC-FBI-BIDEN. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. Explanation of WPA. A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember Carnac the Magnificent, a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Tenor.com has been translated based on your browser's language setting. A: E.S.T., P.M. and B.M. Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? toilet is stopped up? The Answer: They found no brain activity. CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT ED McMAHON: Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest, that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes, Carnac the Magnificent. Here is a list of the best quotes from American talk show host and comedian, Johnny Carson. Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. Contents Q: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids? I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris. resuscitation with a sick lizard. Positive reaction would prompt disbelief from Carnac, stating the ease at which he could make people laugh, such as "This audience would laugh at Dinah Shore backing into a meat thermometer." Q: Name an Eskimo porno film. pre built n scale train layouts. A: Chariots of the Gods. The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. the memoirs of Richard Nixon. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed.