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Yeah, it is totally not cool for him to be spending the night at his child's mothers home. In my response, I provide guidance on how to approach this question, key indicators for long-term relationship success, and steps you can take to stop feeling second in your relationship. You've spotted that the iMessage, WhatsApp, or even Snapchat app is open on his phone and he's furiously typing away in front of you. Your guy always seems to be messaging people, or perhaps one person in particular. Going out with a mummy's boy is proving frustrating for a woman who just wants a normal relationship. The Mother of the child would not allow him to be there when the baby was born and, in the beginning, made it very difficult for him to see his child at all. My problem is not that I think anything is going on between them (because I don't! Or, if he is already divorced and co-parenting with his ex, there may be instances where he needs to spend time with, communicate with and/or collaborate with his ex in order to successfully co-parent their kids. It's also crucial to speak to someone you can truly trust to avoid heeding negative advice. If your partner still calls his ex, its most likely a red flag. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. If he is going through a divorce, he has issues that he has to resolve with regard to the dissolution of his marriage (such as issues with regard to their estate, finances or kids) and that could be interfering with his readiness for a new relationship. "My mom was good about compromising in the beginning; she said he could stay over as long as he. This is accomplished when both parties are honest with each other. Needs are the things that need to happen in our relationship in order for us to feel loved and in order for the relationship to work for us. She Needs to Respect Your Personal Space. Unless he was a complete jerk the entire night, it's best to keep your feelings about his living conditions to yourself. I think the only thing that has been compromised is his ability to carry on the lying here that's clouding your relationship, because if he cared he would not stay with his ex out of respect for you. ), it's just that I don't think it is necessary for my boyfriend to EVER spend the night at his BABY MAMA's house. It sounds like he stays because he wants to, not because he feels forced to (regardless of what he tells you - he may just be telling you the "she forces me" part to hide the fact that it is his choice to stay there). You wouldn't want your partner keeping you away from your kid merely because of your relationship with him. Find the line between those two scenarios and see where you are at. To let him cleanse himself of the divorce guilt. cuz u know u have to deal with the drama that his baby mama will cuz. 1. Open-Ended Questions To Ask A Girl (205 Open Ended Questions To Ask A Girl), How To Make A Girl Blush Over Text (101 Things To Say), How To Compliment A Girl Over Text (141 Ways), Qualities Of A Good Woman (29 Vital Qualities), How Often Should You Text A Girl To Keep Her Interested (25 Helpful Tips), Signs A Married Woman Wants You To Make A Move (23 Signs To Look For), How To Turn On A Woman With Words (155 Tips), 27 Obvious Signs A Woman Wants To Sleep With You, Reasons Why Pisces Man Loves Scorpio Woman (9 Interesting Reasons), If He Doesnt Introduce You To His Friends, What Does It Mean? The last thing you want to seem like is a jealous maniac trying to prevent a father from being with his baby. Thanks, I now live in Europe, and he comes to visit about 4 times a year, for a total of 3 months or so. It Made me so emotional. And I was so optimistic to build our house. LoveDevani is an independent website. So I didnt go. If hes always responding to his kids requests out of guilt (rather than their true needs), or responding to his exs requests out of fear or guilt, it could be that he struggles with maintaining healthy boundaries. Therefore, your partner shouldn't try to keep the two of you apart, but create a balance. She Isnt to Talk About Their Relationship in Front of You, 8. Dating a Divorced Man Support says, [] I talk a bit about I language in the article When You feel Second to His Ex-Wife. We provide resources that help you in your relationship, marriage, and dating life. Being with a man that has a baby is not the best fit for everyone. The whole things just seems wrong, and that's what's fueling your fire. You should feel comfortable with your boyfriends relationship with his baby mama, and that means knowing when theyre seeing each other. He's not even your boyfriend! The reason he told her about the pregnant without seeing if I was okay with it. My advice.. if you are not comfortable with that.. But Him and I argued a lot. I don't think it is healthy for the child, and I also believe that it is very disrespectful to me on both of their parts. I have mixed emotions and worry that its because he is jealous of the ex Wife having a Boyfriend. and Is this Relationship Worth it? Well one I know I inherited this situation and was committed to loving his son like living him. Whether he shares things with her that he doesnt share with you. While he is in the midst of a divorce, he might not be physically or emotionally available to meet your needs because his priority may be to finalize his divorce. Your email address will not be published. For example, if he always leaves the room to talk to his kids mum, you should bring this up. Man I felt burnt. What or who gave her the right to ask him that. He acts like they be bothering him when they ask him something or want to play with him. Is this worth it? Many women find the man they think is the one and they drop everything to pursue . Ask about the things the baby likes, and your boyfriend's hope for the future. . If your boyfriend is still communicating daily with the woman who gave birth to his child, it is reasonable to be concerned that he is still associated with her in some manner. 5 years wasted and now pregnant with a father who takes me for an idiot and his ex wife wear the pants. Remember that dating your partner is a choice. Absolutely! Am I dumb? He's always been reluctant to stay the night and used to say it was because my 18-year-old daughter had the room next door. I even let so much go. Im so glad this advice resonates with you and that youre getting value from it! And youre tired of feeling second in the relationship and concerned that he might not be over his ex-wife. His son has recently spent 2 weeks with his ex and her new boyfriend. Another essential criterion in any relationship is respect. Nevertheless, try to encourage him to warm up to you. Roommates Girlfriend Moved in without Asking? you get to decide how long you want to wait, whether you should wait for him to finalize his divorce, Step-Dating Report at the Step and Blended Family Institute, hes not available or unwilling to meet your needs, Burned out in Your Relationship? I really acknowledge you! Myself I wanted to argue away from the kid initially but he told me In The beginning whatever you can say to me you can say to him. I felt the same way when I was dating, which is why I created a free guide to help you get clarity. But know that you always have that choice. Having faith in your man also shows you believe he's a good father, especially when his kids are involved. He mentioned her wanting to spend the night to me and said that he didn't want her to spend the night, because she could just meet him the morning of the event and then ride . my boyfriend spends the night with his baby mama. He's inconsistent. Either he needs to set a schedule in place, or he needs to get a court to do it if his baby mama is being difficult. If you're not constantly stressing about the situation, youre likely to have a healthy conversation without arguing. I appreciate your perspective. He keeps his screen out of your line of vision. How much time to allow? It really depends on a lot of factors. SO - do you want to continue to be a jealous, controlling #####, or do you want what is in the best interests of you, your boyfriend, your boyfriends little girl, and your boyfriends X? I go into this more in my article Is This Relationship Going to Work Out? I leave them alone together 90% of the time. But didnt know he was blended between me and another woman until I met his ex wife two years later. Remember that youre his girlfriend and you have the right to talk to him about these things. Some of the things you might want to consider setting boundaries around are: Related Why his baby mama doesnt have to win and how to set good boundaries. 9 Leave Behind a Mess When it comes to spending that night at your guy's house, you want to make sure you're the best houseguest he has ever had. But often, the biological parent and significant other (you, as his girlfriend) have strong differences of opinion on what constitutes the needs of his kids and how those needs get met. all you can do is reiterate your feelings, you need to make sure nothing is happening between them first and once you are 100% sure all you can do is trust him! This house isnt a going to be ours. And because he is not yet divorced, he is probably not 100% available to meet some of those needs and relationship requirements because he is still working on dissolving his marriage, and divorce has its own timeline. This is a waste. But after seeing this. If you struggle with anxious attachment in your romantic relationships and you want to feel confident and secure so that you can have a deeply fulfilling committed relationship, I can help. Therefore, it's critical to speak to your family or friends whenever you have a dilemma in your relationship. His relationship with her is he friends with her or are they still something more? But, as you can imagine, the plane tickets back and forth and back and forth are incredibly expensive and push our budget to the limit as it is. Bottling up your concerns would only make you act irrationally and seem insensitive to your partner. Its sometimes not an easy choice. I'm not the jealous type and there is nothing I could have done anyway.. so.. You shouldnt be evasive because itll only make you look like a jealous person trying hard to intrude. Burned out in Your Relationship? This is a boundary that she needs to set with both of them, and you can remind your boyfriend to speak with her if she steps over the line. Plain and simple. Whenever I call him late at night, his phone is busy as he is talking to her. I get it. You can start by asking whether he needs to speak with his baby mama so often. Instead, let the process happen naturally.