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To you guys in a sexless marriage for years, and she wont even talk to you about it? So I explained this to her and said if she cannot work it out with me I would have to find some other way. She wanted me to be sexual with her, but would not reciprocate. The Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. No human being should dominate another person. I have the same problem, my wife and I are 73 years old, 7years ago she told me she no longer had an interest in sex, so,it has been 7 dry years, she told me I was free to,find someone to have sexy with!! My wife and I have been in couples therapy now for about 3 years, and while it has helped our relationship a lot, nothing going on sexually. Sex is not just about giving what you get, its about an experience that both partners should enjoy equally. (That is very thoughtful, I do all those things because my wife is Special and I want her to be happy) I have always shared the housework and dont mean picking up my clothes yes I am defensive because women dont believe med do housework. My thoughts are I need to end my current marriage so I can MoveOn. Marriage, at its core, is a compromise that trades each partners strengths to make both better off but at a cost. Now ASAP get a life please. It may not really mean anything bigger at all. You can set things right on this front by planning special dates and mini-vacations so that you can both focus on each other and your relationship without worrying about work, finances, kids and other things. You talk about your wife not being in the mood. Thats an elusive state when were not driven by our hormones. She doesnt like the image she sees in the mirror and that quells any sexual desire within. Denied the enjoyment, should they be expected to put the same effort into the preparation? For the most part, her doctor (A woman) has told her that it was time to give it up. Or should I just accept her celibacy and masturbate when I need release? We feel just as frustrated that our actions are not recognized by our women. He spent 100.00 on his mother as he forgot to get her a card why cant he forgive me ? **Women are constantly told to shut up and accept. Or if your wife does have a known medical issue, talk to each other about how your sex life might be being affected and ways you can work together to keep your sex life healthy. For many men, wooing and life after wooing are two vastly different realities. That leads to no communication and uselessness. , checking in with yourself is also good. If they did, they would be taking care of business! Youre describing my dilemma to a tee. No, on a serious note, it wasnt something to have posted here. I have no idea what to do. If you must you could think castration out of love. }; Man, thats no way to respond to your wife, person you care deeply about whos saying to you that theyre experiencing mental health crisis in your relationship. So Im frustrated as hell, but I love her and wont cheat on her no matter what. A person wants to, and intends to, stay faithful to their spouse in a sexless marriage and be a good Catholic at the same time is faced with, what seems to me, a no win situation. She isnt enthusiastic about that idea. Love will always outweigh the brief pleasure that $$ and status can provide. Her work has been featured at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. Anything less is slow sewer side. If you are not. Is there any way I can help alleviate some of the stress she is feeling? What we have Ive worked very hard to achieve. If you two feel more like roommates than romantic partners, sex may just feel awkward or unappealing. We stopped having sex ten years ago, she wont talk about it. I have always loved sex with my hubby, but after menopause, that all changed for the worse. Welcome to, IMO, male divine right. The sooner you understand what it is youre going through, the quicker youll be able to address it. })(); We does not seeem to need to hug or cuddle either. Over the years this causes deep anger and then revulsion in the female. Im just sad and trying to figure things out. If your vagina is dry, find out why. And you are wasting your life . Shes just not attracted to me and personally, Im not sure she ever was. 2. A lot of people are martyrs when it comes to sex. I have tried everything too, to no avail, things only get worse, not better. Same issue here. We dont understand anything about foreplay or romance. I read the frustration and despair in your story and I thank you for being willing to share it here. our belief of *how* we should act and behave . I in the same boat as your husband. I Got tired of rejection and told her when she wanted to come find me she felt sorry for me and we tried sex toys and one was to big, hurt her but she tried but I could tell. Having sex will actually help you physically and can add years to your life. Its been a lonely and humiliating experience. That had bee. My wife is 54 and started menopause at 46. Now I definitely feel more like the odd woman out after reading all those men complaining about lack of sex!I am 45 had a hysterectomy 3 years ago, so menopause was forced on me.I still feel like a horny B*** latina! he will not give me a divorce so yes take a lover if you need too cause feeling wanted, desired, and loved, is like food we all need it and deserve it! Our marriage was sexless because I couldnt perform so we started seeing various kinds of Therapists but after 5 years we had no luck. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Its super annoying if he touches my breasts because I get aroused and then we just cant get it going and then so much unanswered frustration comes. That you are incapable or unwilling to engage in a relationship with a woman as an equal says a lot more about you than it does about marriage. You need to leave her. Related Reading: How Do You Deal With A Quarrelsome Wife? Weve been married nearly 39 years and needless to say the last couple of decades I could have done without his aloofness. When we DO have intimacy, it usually comprises me masturbating until she finishes me with her mouth (which she still likes to do) and her using one of those power vibrators that sound like a jackhammer to get herself off. Suddenly it all makes sense. We had sex once last year and it had been a while prior to that, but she told me that due to the pain and all, she doesnt want to do it any more. 90% of my enjoyment of sex is seeing her turned on an having a rip roaring time. Dont worry about having sex for a long time. I go through the details of your sexual life. I used to ride, but geez that gets old and is still a problem because of the size and lack of hardness. My husband and I separated recently. My other half dosent get it and keeps going on and on about it. Am I ugly? I have tried internet sex and it wasnt bad but it wasnt enough. Sweetie, I love you with all my heart and it saddens me that you have no interest in intimacy with me and refuse to explore any potential solutions. When she was in the mood, my wife really enjoyed sex and had great orgasms, but that mood hit less and less frequently. (she has seen a councelor) and she this has gone on for years and may take years to heal and maybe I will never heal. The most affection I can show without her being irritated is spooning for a short period when were in bed Id better not move my hands to caress her! Maybe your wife isn't initiating sex, or she seems to be actively avoiding it. I didnt have children hoping and wishing things would change!!! We enjoy our company, share similar hobbies, have a lovely family and house, like to travell together, share chores ( I make a gourmet breakfast every Sunday) dont really have financial issues apart from the normal stress episodes, and above all we love each other dearly or at least we say it all the time! I dont believe calling sex your duty is accurate at all. She replied yes. "Some of the pressure comes from the idea that you 'should' be having sex. What to do about it: Address the ongoing conflicts in your relationship. Its just not worth my time to talk to her, all I get is whining, complaining and thats exhausting. Maybe not as often or intense, but more tender, Life is complicated and gets more complicated as we get older. Thank you Joan, for all you do. But she is just not sexually attracted to me. Im 55 my name is Tom, I havent made love to my wife in nearly 9 years due to her having several medical issues. Semi handsome for an old guy. var d = document, s = d.createElement('script'); Hey People, when a woman no longer wants sex with a man, it means she is likely not attracted to him anymore. Furthermore the AFIB and some remaining heart failure issues make sex not safe to engage in, even if counseling could resolve our relationship issues from the past. And the sex with my current partner is always strained because she doesnt show any real passion or desire to let go. He feels unwanted or unappreciated. He (so far) said no. But we dont have sex or make love or anything you want to call it! Would you be willing to see a therapist with me to learn how to talk about this? 2 children later sex was still fun. There are many reasons for vaginal pain, if indeed thats what shes experiencing, and getting the right medical help is essential. I worked sat and sun all holidays and gave away vacation. Woman think if they dont want a penis inside them that thats it, no sex. , motherhood, or work anxiety can cause your wife to feel too overwhelmed for intimacy. I just cant keep going like this. Some nice and some angry! var disqus_config = function () { So I backed off of seeing this person. Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. But my wife was not. I could do as well financially as a single person and there are women who would be happy with what I can provide, both financially and intimately. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. After having our first child, my wife wasnt thinking about sex at all. But I do it, why? Here are some possible openings finesse one or more of these to fit your comfort and style: I strongly suggest that you see a sex therapist (find one in your location) or a sex-savvy counselor for guidance. Like, whats wrong with me? I am 60, and my husband is 65. Hmmm. She said that I can take care of myself in the shower and that is just fine with her. If a couple's sex life continues to follow a routine that doesn't tend to feel good for the woman, she may lose interest in having sex entirely. She wants no part of it. I have never, nor will I ever cheat. He then sits and reads for hours on end. I decided to work the night shift and made it my thing. Now its more about independence- Im tired of living in my spouses value system . I desire tenderness and affection, not just an orgasm. But he keeps wanting to try and work on it and cant seem to accept that Im changing as I grow old. Right now Im going on over three months since shes wanted sex. Richard C Thank you for sharing! Asking yourself such questions can help you on your way to a more active and satisfying sex life with your wife. Never once I have ever forced myself in any way on my wife. Hello David, Lowered estrogen can also cause her libido to lag. s.src = 'https://EXAMPLE.disqus.com/embed.js'; My son is in an open marriage (I know this because he and his wife talk about it openly) and it opened my eyes to the reality that it is unrealistic to expect one person to be able to satisfy all of your sexual needs. She put in over $300K on our $1M house and I told her we may need to sell it when my youngest graduates high school. The vast majority are trained to be misandrists and far too many are grotesquely unethical. Im 47 and this happened to me. Even if it is difficult, do everything you can to put yourself in her shoes. Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. I totally understand how lingering issues in a relationship make it ridiculously hard to want to have sex. He claims to love me and just wants to continue on with what I consider a rather boring, dreary and certainly sexless marriage! Its all about the woman needs not the man. He is always sitting alone. Give her some time to destress by setting up a candlelit bath with her favorite essential oils and bath soak. Many men and most women are connected through sexual intimacy. Research shows that sexual communication was. Or a genuine, romantic, butterflies-in-the-stomach exchange? My best friend. Not!! It will make you horny as hell, however. If theres no intimacy in your marriage from your wife and youve realized that she may be suffering through mental health issues, Bonobologys panel of experienced therapists can help guide your partner through this turbulent time, and perhaps re-establish the harmonious relationship you yearn for. I would divorce him but whats the point. Gopa explains how it can be detrimental to your physical intimacy. We are 64 years old and havent had sex for 3 1/2 years. How should I phrase it? Married 36 years, neither of us had sex with anyone including each other until our wedding night: It was tough, but my choice. Who gets up and takes card of them? Could I just ask the question? Be explicit about your needs and expectations. With kids and work schedules, it can unfortunately become easy to put date night on the back burner, but there are plenty of reasons to make it a priority in your week. why is he grumpy? When we first met, we had sex 2X a day morning and night. After 8.5 years in my sexless marriage, I almost found the phrase Youve both gone so long without sex together funny, though it is far from that. About 5 years ago (we've been married 29) she started not wanting me to touch her breasts as much and over time stopped letting me touch them altogether. Food shape. Hasnt been for 15 years. We have been convinced to settle and accept less. Brother, your story sounds exactly like mine. I certainly feel your pain and utter frustration. And Marley, I deeply sorry for your situation. We men are not brain dead. You said, So my question to the men here. I offered my husband a quick and easy as possible divorce. I found a wonderful woman gynecologist, and she put me on low dose hormone therapy. Its not an option. Weve all heard the answer to no Sex is stop having Sex? Your wife may have become so involved in raising the kids that her relationship with you takes a backseat. I am 64 and met a 75 widower for 13 years whom exercises, takes a natural supplement to help with blood flow, and takes occasional viagra. I think that for me I need the human touch of a mature woman. Every time he gets mad he threatens to move out. Then she was diagnosed with scleroderma shortly before I had a kidney transplant. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? Mates but l want to .feel loved , should l hang lt up and move on ty. Some get away with a happy one. Ive been humiliated, rejected and told you can have love without sex, because, after all, cripples cant have sex but they still have love. My husband has no sex drive at all. Doing that just causes me to be resentful of her, and the fact that Im now reduced to doing this nasty little juvenile thing for myself. But, on the sex side, not too good. Would you like to see more questions and answers? Discuss it with her: Share this iMOM article with your wife and discuss it: 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood. I always thought by the time I retired, I would have both the time and energy to truly connect sexually with my spouse without worrying about kids interrupting, getting up early for work or that sex had to be scheduled. I lve my wife more now then when we got married. I am Married 47 years, I am 67 she is 70. Tried all the hormones, the therapy, the talks, and yes, even the threats of stepping out if things dont improve. I thank you for stating in so frank a manner every frustration that has engulfed me for over 40 years. Having children may be one reason intimacy has decreased in your marriage, but it is not the only reason. If I push thru to be happy and have energy, he expects me to be like I was 20 years ago. So we settle. This is the best I have read. He (so far) said no. Were currently stuck at #3, but I have a feeling #1 is gaining ground and will ultimately prevail. Its a two-way street as are most things in marriage. Arthritis: No Cure, But Ways to Ease the Pain. Womens sex drives are based on fulfilling other non sexual needs such as wedding, marriage, home ownership, babies, cars, money etc etc. Any discussion goes nowhere. Mayo clinic advises to avoid, because they are not FDA approved and because they didn;t go the pathway of long term human trials are to be avoided. She has the house and I have my private place seperate from the main house. But after our second kid it just dried up to not much. Rich B, I am 64 and my wife has withheld sex with me for the the last 5 years. The question is, will we accept that fact, those facts, and act upon them in honorable fashion.? And I still dont even know why! Great but no sex at 69. I was faithful to my beautiful redhead for 27 yrs, and I never got tired of making love to her. She consulted with her doctor who recommended hormone treatment and her research on cancer had her rejecting that avenue. Think before you do what you do. If shes not in the mood neither am I . But this woman kept me in her heart and mind for fifty years. It makes me sad, and we have talked it out and sadly there is just too much sadness and pain in our relationship for this situation to ever be resolved. I am happy all the time, my hair is twice as thick as it was before, I had urge incontinence, which completely disappeared, it cut my knee joint pain in half, and best of all, I love sex again. I am sorry but I think thats just nuts. I feel for you for my wife always have said I will make you feel good but then dont try to do anything .. It might be time for you to be more responsible and let your wife have some me-time. Pamper her with a spa day or take her out on a nice vacation for two, to break the monotony and give her the relaxation she truly needs and deserves. Nothing has changed. Id been wearing blinders believing shed never cheat. Were communicating better but no changes to our sex life even though he has plenty of blue pills. Couples can even have a thriving sex life during their 40s, if they wish to do so. From that point on, Croatia, Greece Island, every best ski area out west. He never smiles? Got lost there. Awful!!! We went to a therapist who separated us and I thought that might help her confidence. Most importantly, a couple agrees that their marriage is built on a foundation of love and respect. So, I know my only option is accept this is my life from here on. There is no hope for this relationship. she and I cannot even sit on the couch and watch TV as she scoots away from me. yeah, in the case of some women, there may be some other things going on w/ the bodywho knows. */ She doesnt complain about helping me out but intercourse is quite painful for her and I dont want to press it if shes in pain. One of you simply wants sex more often than the other does. If I spend time or money on them, I get ridiculed. Then tell them what your plans are or not, but do not put your sexual and intimacy needs on hold the rest of your life because it is the sign you love someone. Im 59, wife 63 and the big M has hit her like you have said it did you. Counseling is usually the way out but unfortunately most people in a relationship dont want to go that route (or at least one of them doesnt). Sometimes I just want fuck all night long but the woman I love has no interest. I am so tired of these therapists and all there lets support the one who doesnt want sex but dismiss the one who is still in love and desires romance more than anything with KEEP MASTURBATING I am also in a sexless relationship, same as others in our 50s Im in good shape and shes overweight, out of shape and depressed. We had enjoyed a lovely sex life, with the usual speed bumps (kids, work,etc) but we never stopped. You need boundaries to actively live yours in a healthy manner without them in your bedroom. Im Maried for 5 years and from one year until now my wife change completely like a different person she don't let me hold her hands or touch her or kiss her and sex more than 6 months that she don't have sex with me I asked her if she don't love me anymore and she say that she love me and I asked her why she's doing you know all the . (Side note: why do women get to have multiple organisms?). 5 minutes of his time now and again isnt much to ask! Shes the mother of our kids! Not getting the right treatment, not knowing how to deal with depression and then having the pressure to get into physical intimacy is not a good mix. All this can cause a person to go into anger and hibernate. Therapy will help you identify the issues underlying the lack of sex, teach you how to communicate more effectively, give you strategies for regaining your intimacy if shes willing, and tools for coping if shes not, and offer you the boost you need to work on your relationship. 10 year sexless marriage. Some women do not compartmentalize their emotions the way some men do, and thus may be more easily preoccupied during sex. I just accept that I could not control it and that it is Gods will for me. nuff said. Thats whats even more hurtful. They think they do, Men expect women to get hormone therapy to fix the hormone problem. LoL. 20 Reasons Why a Wife Doesn't Want to Have Sex - Jolene Engle We havent had sex in over a year and a half because of my wifes lack of interest. I like the martyr thing, but its no B.S. Reaching orgasm can become difficult or seem impossible.". Count your blessings mate! I hear you bro. I feel I am too old to move on by myself, most everything in our relationship is good, but sex is very bad. I am afraid Buck is correct. A year or two is nothing. Thank you for indiviualizing yozr response. Please ask your husband if hell see a counselor with you to save your marriage. Add to this many complications: conditioning from childhood, feeling you are being used for someone elses pleasure, not being attracted, not meeting your partner at the same emotional level. Talk about a double standard! I find that unfathomable. But if he cared for me a hug would be nice. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. 3. Here are some reasons you can try if your wife doesnt initiate intimacy with you and you want her to be intimate. Hi Christi, the best thing about this article is the comment section! . I have tried to keep myself in shape, etc., and he is certainly in fairly good shape too. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. Get your answer. Wife does not want me to touch her and immediately goes back to Oh my goodness you sound so defeated. He started blaming his medication but when I checked that out he moved on to another excuse. I dont know why your husband would even want to be intimate with you, you sound like a harpy. Susan, I have one word for you intimacy and all the other women that do not understand the difference between intimacy and sex. If your wife is struggling with any mental health issues, she may be less interested in sex at the moment.